


No One Was Ever Supposed To Know

by TheTealTea



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Angst and Feels, Author Is Sleep Deprived, Author projecting onto Saihara Shuichi, Coming Out, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Oma Kokichi/Saihara Shuichi, Everyone Shows Up For A Bit, F/F, Gender Dysphoria, Gender-Neutral Pronouns, Happy Ending, Honorifics, How Do I Tag, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Minor Chabashira Tenko/Yumeno Himiko, Misgendering, Non-Binary Author, Non-Binary Oma Kokichi, Non-binary character, Oma Kokichi Needs a Hug, Oma Kokichi-centric, Oma Kokichi/Saihara Shuichi-centric, Other, Other: See Story Notes, Ouma not Oma, Sad Oma Kokichi, Supportive Akamatsu Kaede, Trans Character, Trans Male Character, Trans Oma Kokichi, Trans Saihara Shuichi, Unspecified Setting, author projecting onto Oma Kokichi, trans author
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-18
Updated: 2021-02-18
Packaged: 2021-03-14 13:16:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29542944
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheTealTea/pseuds/TheTealTea
Summary: It had already been bad enough before Kokichi’s mask wasn’t the only thing that broke down.AKA: Non-Binary Kokichi needs guidance and Trans Man Shuichi helps.
Relationships: Oma Kokichi/Saihara Shuichi
Comments: 17
Kudos: 91





	No One Was Ever Supposed To Know

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone!
> 
> These notes are not mandatory to read but it can help understand some writing choices that I’ve used. FYI, I haven’t put any spoilers in the notes!
> 
> TW: There’s a bit of unconscious misgendering, both sad and happy crying, but also a correct approach of those topics with tons of gender euphoria.
> 
> This fic shows some of the ins and outs of finding and coming out as trans/non-binary from my personal experience.
> 
> It’s a 3rd POV Narrator but follows Kokichi’s side of the story, so it’s written with a bit of influence of Kokichi’s thoughts and POV.
> 
> Writing starts with Narration using masculine gendered terms for Kokichi.
> 
> From the sentence ‘Kokichi breathed for one last time before turning the world upside down.’ until the next sentence ‘“I like neutral…”’, Narration uses no gendered terms for Kokichi other than the name ‘Kokichi’ itself (writing with no pronouns for a character and making it work was so difficult for me but I think it was worth it).
> 
> From then until the end, Narration uses gender neutral terms for Kokichi.
> 
> Now let’s get comfy and see you at the end notes!
> 
> \- TheTealTea

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_No One Was Ever Supposed To Know_

◥◤◢◣◥◤◢◆◣◥◤◢◣◥◤

Kokichi knew when he woke up that it was going to be one of those days. He hadn’t even gotten out of bed and he already hated himself.

Even after putting on his usual bubbly personality and have his mask of deceit firmly attached, Kokichi knew that some could sense that this day wasn’t treating him too good for his liking. A few relaxed a bit, thinking that Kokichi would go easier on his lies, pranks and teasing. On the other hand, others tensed up, believing this would make the short one more easily irritated, like a ticking bomb just about to blow up. He could hear them murmuring about him and sending quick glances in his direction. Kokichi quickly dismissed the others, not even trying to figure out what exactly what were they talking about him anyway. He couldn’t allow himself to care.

While most walked on eggshells around him, Kokichi made his way to spend most of his morning with Shuichi. While both thought the other one was a fun mystery to get themselves tangled in, they still wanted to peel the layers of lies and insecurities to reach the other’s core. They wanted to know each other better, and with the games they played, they were slowly but surely growing closer together.

Shuichi knew better than anyone else how to unravel Kokichi’s acts and who he was, from discovering telltale signs from telling petty lies to making him laugh wholeheartedly. No deceitful smiles and no trickster voices around them. Catching every now and then small peaks of the true Kokichi underneath.

So, naturally, that day Shuichi didn’t pry in Kokichi’s privacy when he came his way asking for the other’s complete attention, he knew full well that something was bothering the shorter one and decided to make him forget about it. If Kokichi wanted to talk about it with him, he would. No need for them to stress out or strain their strengthening relationship. It was left unsaid, but Kokichi thanked him for quickly understanding the situation and distracting him.

He knew Shuichi had come to notice that these fateful days were pretty regular for Kokichi, their friends only sensing something different in him on his worst cases, but were only blaming it on his unpredictability tendency of being able to completely change his personality in mere moments at will.

While Kokichi knew from the get-go that it had already started worse than most other times, Shuichi didn’t understand how bad that day’s situation actually was. That was until the plans for whole group to meet that afternoon for relaxing together shattered on their feet.

The big group of friends had met on the dining room early that afternoon. The room had been transformed to accommodate all of them with different sofas they had moved in order to circle around a coffee table. They talked about anything and everything before the conversation turned towards a certain couple.

Tenko and Himiko, who had been dating for forever and pinning for the other for even longer, were going too ‘lovey-dovey’ for the others’ tastes, so of course someone called Miu decided that was the perfect time to ask questions about their relationship, everyone agreed with her, albeit overlooking her lewd comments. The couple had been asked many things, something along the lines of them having something planned they wanted to do in the future or even how they’ve gotten together, since for some reason, neither wanted to disclose it to their friends. When one of Gonta’s questions was if they had told they loved the other yet, Tenko nearly jumped off her seat.

“Of course we are in love! Why would we be in a relationship if we weren’t? All stupid men are the same, you’re all selfish and disgusting!”

Different groans resonated in the room coming from many people. Kaito was maybe the one who exaggerated the most.

Kokichi wasn’t that faced. He hadn’t annoyed anyone in a while and just wanted to stop feeling like a piece of shit. He didn’t really want to be there. He wanted to run, scream, cry, punch something, hurt someone, anything! He just wanted to stop feeling this hate, even if meant feeling nothing or being disregarded by the whole group.

“Come on, Chabashira-chan. What is it between you and us?”

With Kokichi’s own filter on personal limitations already gone, he stupidly decided to open his big mouth. It’s not like he could do anything for the day to go even remotely right, so he could try to bring the others down with him. Self-sabotaging his group of friends did sound like a great plan in his head.

“Don’t you worry, I wouldn’t want for you to even try to explain your irrational nonsense to us. It’s not like anyone’s even expecting an actual civilized response from you or your girlfriend.”

However, Kokichi realized he fucked up after the harmful words had already escaped his mouth. In a matter of the seconds after the initial shock, everyone in the room turned against him in a similar way.

“Hey Cockichi! Can’t you learn to shut your trap and act like a fucking _man_?”

“Hey _bro_! No need to throw your own shit at anyone!”

“Gonta does not think that was what a _gentleman_ does!”

“…Do you wanna die, you stupid _boy_?”

“Fuck you, degenerate _male_!”

_Man. Bro. Gentleman. Boy. Male._ The words made their way into Kokichi’s heart and head, laughing mockingly at the boring and crass joke that Kokichi was.

Kiibo seemed the only one trying to mitigate the rage directed at towards the other, unconscious that he already had an ongoing war in the unstable grounds that was Kokichi’s mental state. Kiibo only made it worse.

“I’m sure _he_ was just joking. _He_ says those things just to get a reaction from us, _he_ -”

Kokichi tried to keep control but he couldn’t stop hearing those words, those hateful words filled with rage and venom. _Man._

They settled in the place where his heart should be, but had been missing since the moment he woke up. _Man. Bro._

As Kokichi tried to shield physically himself, those heinous words were running wild through his system. _Man. Bro. Gentleman._

They destroyed every single part of him, when he had been slowly falling apart at the seams for a long time now. _Man. Bro. Gentleman. Boy._

Imprisoned in his own mind, Kokichi’s mask slipped slightly, trying desperately to cover up, but it was enough for him to finally break. _Man. Bro. Gentleman. Boy. Male._

No one noticed his quiet sobs or tears rolling down his cheeks. _Man. Bro. Gentleman. Boy. Male. He._

_You stupid boy!_

Shut up.

_Act like a fucking man!_

Shut up!

_Fuck you, degenerate male!_

“SHUT UP!”

Ragged, heavy breaths filled the otherwise now silent room. For the first time, everyone obeyed Kokichi’s yelled words. His face showed clear pain, anger and rage. The others had different expressions, some of them with anger, fear, surprise and-

He saw pity in Shuichi’s eyes.

Kokichi hated being pitied, and seeing those dark golden eyes show him how Shuichi truly felt about him… It destroyed Kokichi. His expression changed for a fraction before he tried to put the remains of his mask over his face again. He didn’t need anyone’s pity, and certainly not Shuichi’s. He couldn’t stand being there any second longer, he had to leave before he completely lost control of himself. He wouldn’t admit it, but he could tell Shuichi had noticed his scared expression through his broken mask as he left.

“Ouma-!”

“Had enough of this bullshit to last a lifetime.”

He didn’t shout again, he didn’t even raise his voice, but Kokichi’s tone was hostile. He shut the door way too harsh behind him. Now alone, he run away. Now alone, he screamed his lungs out. Now alone, he cried until his eyes hurt. Now alone, he punched his knuckles red. Now alone, his own mind hurt him over and over. Now alone, he just wanted to do anything else.

He wound up atop a flat roof of a small, reclosed building. It was mostly hidden behind taller trees but elevated enough to not be easily detected. Kokichi stayed there, away from the world, alone in the universe, like he would always be, letting the minutes turn into hours, not wanting to be found, not wanting anyone to search for him.

Kokichi had always been an outcast from everyone including from himself.

And he was going to stay that way.

◢◣◥◤◢◣◥◆◤◢◣◥◤◢◣

Shuichi was about to give up and look somewhere else when he suddenly heard sobs coming from above him. After going up the building, he spotted Kokichi on the flat roof, curled into himself, not noticing someone else was also up there with him. A sad frown initially formed on Shuichi’s face, but he changed it with a sad smile. He had to be there for the other, he had to be strong for Kokichi, just as the shorter had always managed to bring the other back up was when the taller was feeling down.

He let out a simple word with a small and trusting voice.

“Hey.”

Kokichi stiffened at the sudden realization that he wasn’t alone. While he was glad it was Shuichi who noticed him first, he didn’t want to see him yet. Kokichi didn’t want to see anyone else for a long time. Ignoring the other’s body language, Shuichi walked up next to him and sat on Kokichi’s right, his long legs stretching peacefully over the red bricks.

“I’m sorry for what we did.”

Kokichi let out a disgustingly insulting chuckle. How dare Shuichi even try to apologize? An angry smile formed as he growled at him, a pitiful attempt to protect what remained of his person.

“Oh, does Saihara-chan really think any of their words could upset me?”

Shuichi didn’t take the bait and stayed with his friend. Not ever changing his gentle tone.

“I don’t ‘think’ they did, I know they hurt you.”

“Careful, Shumai. Don’t let all that big ego of yours go to your head. I was just spitting lies to leave you dumbasses!”

Shuichi looked at him. Kokichi had his legs folded close to his chest, head resting on top of the knees and arms keeping him in this position. Kokichi wasn’t fooling anyone, he was clearly in pain. Shuichi just wanted to help his friend, but in order to allow Kokichi to change and grow, he first had to take him out of the remains of his small and cracked shell.

“You didn’t lie back there. You think you’re the only one who can see through us, but you’re also human. You’re allowed to feel upset and lash out.”

“Huh, that had to be the shittiest deep talk for someone who can’t even comprehend how I feel.”

“I believe I can.”

Kokichi gained a scoffing interest in him. He didn’t know what the hell was Shuichi trying to pull, but it sure left him feeling more powerless and vulnerable, not that he would flaunt his weaknesses. Shuichi’s stupid face was still smiling and Kokichi wanted nothing more than to rip it off and be left alone to hurt in peace, he didn’t need anyone stepping on him while he was already face down crying on the mud. Nonetheless, he decided to entertain Shuichi’s ridiculous train of thought.

“Oh, really? All hail the all-knowing Saihara-chan! Care to tell little ol’ me what exactly was going on inside my foolish head?”

“I’m not a psychic so I can’t say precisely, but I’d just need you to answer my question.”

“And what may that stupid question be?”

Shuichi breathed slowly for what was about to come, if it was to calm either himself or Kokichi, neither of them knew. He looked up at the sky as the sun was beginning to set, before setting his eyes on sparkling amethysts. His sympathetic smile didn’t falter when he spoke.

“How do you feel when people address to you as a male?”

Kokichi’s breath caught in his throat.

_No._

Shuichi wasn’t supposed to know.

No one was ever supposed to know, for that matter. He was a damn good liar, he could even fool even himself sometimes, so how had it come to this? Shuichi didn’t press him, didn’t move forward, didn’t try to touch him, but Kokichi didn’t want that from him. Kokichi wanted Shuichi to scoff at him, insult him, get disgusted at the mere thought of him. He wanted Shuichi to leave him for good, to avoid him like the plague and finally dispose of him from his life. Kokichi was a hateful, vile and repugnant being, he knew he was, so why wasn’t Shuichi getting away at the revulsion of being so close to him?

Shuichi, instead, was just looking at Kokichi. The shorter one tried to read his intentions through the darkened golden eyes but found nothing of what he had expected to find. He didn’t know why, when he looked at Shuichi’s eyes, he was instead met with sorry, sadness and comfort. Shuichi had never pitied him; he hadn’t thought any less of him.

Shuichi noticed the reflection from the wet purple eyes staring back at him in an overwhelming panic. They were the same eyes of that fearful kid he’d seen in the mirror so many years ago. The same kid who was afraid of rejection and acceptance, the same kid who startled at the simple movements and interactions with others, the same kid who grew up with a secret nobody should have to carry.

Kokichi was fully exposed, raw right before Shuichi’s eyes to see. Nothing left to mask his true emotions, nothing left to shield him from the threats of the world, nothing left to plan after everything had collapsed around him. This was it, reduced down to the basic elements that made who Kokichi was: a small scared kid afraid of being alone and the dangers of the unknown.

“H- How…?”

Kokichi’s eyes welled up. The whispered cracked shudder made its way to Shuichi’s already crumbling heart, leaving behind a trail of a million tiny pieces. So he was right, he knew how Kokichi felt. It was one of the most terrible things he had gone through. He didn’t wish those awful feelings for anyone, and even less for the trembling body beside him. He spoke through both of their heartbreaks to give Kokichi the comfort he needed.

“I recognized your pain. I’ve seen it many times before and I’ve had more than a handful of experiences with it. I know way too well how it feels to be misgendered.”

Shuichi noted even the smallest changes in Kokichi, who had shifted slightly, sensing discomfort in his self and even remorse. Shuichi picked up what Kokichi was silently beating himself up for.

“Kokichi, I don’t want you to worry about it. You’ve never done anything of the sort and I honestly like how I’ve always been ‘your Saihara-chan’. Ever since other people started seeing and treating me properly, I don’t feel the need to explain again what they already know. It may also be that I’m still afraid this would somehow mess up everything I’ve worked so hard for.”

A gentle wind moved their hair in a slow rhythm. The silence of the late afternoon deafening their ears as Kokichi processed what the other had explained. Shuichi had still opened up to him, shown him his insecurities even with the constant worry of being rejected by his friends.

“So, are you…”

Kokichi wasn’t going to continue, choosing to leave the question open for Shuichi to answer however he deemed fit. Kokichi wasn’t looking at him anymore, instead watching how the horizon slowly changed its colors from bright pastel blues to shining warm oranges.

“I’m a guy. I’ve always been one, but for the most part of my life, nobody else saw me for who I am.”

Sad memories crept Shuichi’s mind, they had been horrific at the moment of their creation, but they had turned bittersweet over the time. He just hoped Kokichi’s would never be as dark as his had been. His smile didn’t waver at the memory of that kid. He remembered how that petrified young boy had felt and how he had later wished a mentoring figure would have been there for him, aiding him every step of the way, clearing his confusions and helping him find his own answers. He wanted to be Kokichi’s guide for the rest of his way.

_Transgender._

The word came to Kokichi’s mind and rooted itself there with no intent to leave, along with what Shuichi was confessing him. He wasn’t telling him any lie and it had obviously pained in the past, he shouldn’t want to be someone who he didn’t like, yet Shuichi gave off a feeling that he would do it all over again. Kokichi had been taught that it was unnatural, immoral and shameful. He’d been told that those people were nothing but scum, not deserving of anything due to their horrendous life choices. But they had been so wrong, because even if Shuichi was transgender, he wasn’t any of those things. Shuichi was an amazing person to everyone around him and had the biggest heart he’d ever seen. Shuichi was shy, and awkward, and comforting, and funny, and kind, and loving, and gorgeous-

“It’s difficult, going through this, it really messes with your head. My brain used to connect really bright colors with femininity, so I wouldn’t want anything that wasn’t dark… I’m still a bit like that, now that I think about it. I know colors and clothes are not gendered, but I can’t stand the thought of wearing pink or sporting any skirt or dress. I hope that someday I can learn to like them, but if I never manage to that’s okay too, I don’t think it could even go with my ‘depressed emo’ style.”

Shuichi softly laughed at his poor attempt of a joke, but it didn’t go unappreciated by the other on his left. Shuichi looked at his hands, resting on his lap, a soft breeze tousling his hair. He had forgotten how liberating it felt to express himself, to openly talk about his past with company who wouldn’t judge him. There wasn’t any tension between them nor an uncomfortable silence. Kokichi needed his own time, no matter how long it was, Shuichi would meet him when he was ready.

“Did… Did you pick your name?”

Kokichi’s voice was changing positively, although still shaken up, it was just a bit more secure and curious, but careful enough to not hurt any more people than he had already harmed.

“Yes. For a long time, I couldn’t settle on a single name and I really needed some kind of closure. Something that meant that my past had finished; I wanted a clear ending for myself, something definitive. I still think ‘Shuichi’ fits pretty much the description.”

“Never pictured you for someone that philosophical.”

Shuichi did notice Kokichi’s lips tilt upwards, even if it was just for a fraction. He felt the other calmer than he was before and, even if he still didn’t look strong enough to face the world, Shuichi needed him to face his fears. With the same steady and safe tone, he asked the questions he felt needed to be addressed first.

“Are you okay with your name? What would you like to be called as?”

With or without Shuichi, he would have to answer all of those questions one time or another. He didn’t want Shuichi to see him as broken as he was, but doubted he would ever be able to go through them on his own. He inhaled slowly and replied, his eyes looking at the burning orange horizon.

“I like the name ‘Kokichi’, that’s… never been the problem.”

“Then what is?”

Kokichi didn’t even have this answer. He knew it was a pile of small things that had made the ball bigger over the years, but… If he couldn’t pinpoint the problem, he didn’t know how was he supposed to stop it. His head was screaming at him, incapable of distinguishing a single thought. He didn’t know what. He didn’t know how. He tightly grabbed his hair, unable to notice his tears fall again, unable to notice the air in his lungs.

“I can’t- I, I don’t…”

But Shuichi did notice the tears leave his eyes, he did notice how Kokichi was just beginning to hyperventilate. Shuichi knew those symptoms too well, and without touching him, he swiftly guided Kokichi away from the danger.

“Kokichi, hey. C’mon, breathe with me.”

With Shuichi’s quick reaction, he was able to stop Kokichi from falling into a deep rabbit hole. He looked scared again, scared of his own mind, scared of what could happen, scared of what was happening. Kokichi needed as much affection as Shuichi had needed back in those days.

“Can I touch you?”

Kokichi flinched at the small movement of Shuichi’s hand, but he held it there, open and inviting, safe and cautious, forever caring. Kokichi averted his eyes, but nodded anyway. The soft contact against his right arm sent shivers down his spine.

“Let’s take this slower, you’re alright with it?”

“…Yes.”

Kokichi was inviting him to walk this road together, and with focusing in one step at a time, they would be able to walk all the distance ahead of them. So for now, they just looked at what’s right in front of them, they’ll have time to worry about the other problems ahead of them when they get there.

Before starting again, Shuichi made sure he knew how he was going to phrase these questions as most people got it wrong. For Shuichi, he didn’t ‘identify’ or ‘feel’ as a male. He simply ‘was’ a man. Any other way made Shuichi feel like he was an opinion for others to discuss, refutable or malleable at anyone’s will, when in reality it was the opposite; his identity is his own solid and undeniable truth.

Kokichi definitely didn’t shift in his place to lean into Shuichi’s touch or wished for Shuichi to wrap himself around his small body. Shuichi definitely didn’t feel his heart grow fonder at the action or wished for Kokichi to allow him to give as much comfort as he wanted.

His voice was as tender as the movements of his hand against the thin arm.

“Are you female?”

“No.”

“Are you male?”

“…No, but- If I’m not either, what can I be? I know I’m not a woman, like, for sure, but I’ve never felt a man or a boy or anything! I don’t even know how I am supposed to feel! Am… Am I broken?”

Shuichi would need to have a talk to whoever put those ideas in Kokichi’s head. The one beside him was a perfect imperfection that he would love and admire for the rest of his life.

“You are whole, Kokichi. Your feelings will always tell you who you really are. There’s more than just ‘men and women’, you know? You are not alone in this.”

Kokichi didn’t blink, not wanting to miss anything Shuichi was revealing him. He had always felt rejected, destined to lie forever to himself and others in order to get a deceitful comfort, or be truthful and become abandoned from the people he cared about. In both cases, he would die cold and alone, having lived an unfulfilling life which wouldn’t even have given him a chance to redeem himself. He had always felt alone. But was he really?

“What?”

“It’s called ‘non-binary’. It’s for those who don’t fall within the categories of just male or female, but who are both, a mix of them or who are neither. Apart from that, anyone can use any pronouns they want, although normally pronouns and gender use to correlate. In my case, I hated the feminine terms I was raised into, so I later chose the usually more male-associated ones to align with my identity, they have to feel good with me, after all.”

Shuichi saw as Kokichi’s whole world expanded right before his very eyes. Smiling golden eyes met with growing lilac sparkles. Accepting golden eyes met an overjoyed hopeful face. Kokichi couldn’t believe it was actually true, his heart beating with excitement. If there were people like him, he wasn’t faulty, he wasn’t sick, he wasn’t disgusting, he wasn’t-

“Though I don’t suppose our cases with the pronouns would be the same. I saw you flinch every time someone called you anything masculine. Do you dislike it when others use them towards you?”

“I… don’t know yet, I’m not sure. Some days are simply… more difficult than others.”

“Would you instead prefer feminine pronouns?”

“No. I- I’m not a girl. I’m… I’m just me.”

While Kokichi’s answer had been fast, it was clear he was still struggling to discover where he fit as a piece in this ever-growing puzzle. Before he got too lost in thought, Shuichi stroke his back in a comforting but animated nature.

“S’okay, Kokichi, you don’t have to know everything right off the bat. If you’d like, we could try using some neutral honorifics and pronouns for now, like ‘they’, ‘them’ and ‘san’ or ‘sama’? It’s alright if you don’t want them; you’re allowed to change your mind at any point.”

“I’m not worthy enough to be called ‘sama’, that’d just make anyone laugh.”

“Says the one with ‘Ouma’ as surname and owner of a crowned horse mask.”

He had to give it to Shuichi, for someone as himself, with such a grandiose surname and shenanigans, Kokichi had always intimately thought very little of himself. Apart from Shuichi’s joke, he knew that ‘they’ and ‘them’ were both singular and plural gender neutral pronouns. ‘Sama’ and ‘san’ were used without any specification of the gender, but they were usually designed for special and higher status people. They didn’t have the same ring or closeness as the gendered options, apart that he also thought it would be weird and awkward for everyone to use them and not easily derail into the previous options that he had used. Wouldn’t it be weird and difficult for everyone who saw Kokichi not to say ‘he’ and ‘kun’?

“How would it even work?”

Just as Shuichi was about to explain it to him, he noticed Kaede walking by near them, down on the ground below them. The smirk that Kokichi received from him was enough to know what the taller was thinking.

“Want me to practice with Akamatsu-chan?”

“Y- You’re sure?”

Anxiety came back to him as a wave. It was one thing to talk to just one trustworthy and open-minded person, accordingly named Shuichi. It was an entirely different thing to tell it to more people without knowing how they would react. Kokichi didn’t know Kaede enough to know if she wouldn’t spread it to every single person she would meet, let alone believe or accept him. Shuichi firmly grabbed him, bringing back security and safety with his touch. He saw conflict raging behind those purple eyes.

“Kokichi, I’m here with you and I’m not leaving your side. Not now, not ever.”

He could back up now.

Kokichi could turn back and go to his old life.

This was his chance to make a joke about it. He could just tell Shuichi it was a big lie and he’d fallen for the act. But that would be going back to the big lie Kokichi was already living in, the lie that was eating him inside and sooner or later would consume him all.

Kokichi felt that Shuichi was offering something more than just support, he was offering something precious for him, something dear… He would have to ask him about it later.

He could move forward and try, without any guarantee of not being ridiculed and thrown aside.

He was curious, what would it feel to leave all that behind and trying something.

Kokichi wanted something he could feel good with.

He could try now or back up…

Kokichi breathed for one last time before turning the world upside down.

“Let’s try.”

Shuichi brandished the truest smile at his friend, his eyes even seemed to sparkle. He reassured Kokichi with his touch one last time before he caught Kaede’s attention.

“Hey! Akamatsu-chan! Up here!”

Kaede turned around at the sound of Shuichi, seeing him wave at her. She started to make her way towards the both of them, managing to get quickly up to the flat roof. Kokichi’s eyes immediately flew downwards, regretting the decision and not wanting to see her eyes when shit inevitably hit the fan. Kokichi was going to be _mocked_ , and _laughed_ _at_ , and _ridiculed_ for these _stupid-_

“Saihara-kun! You finally found Ouma-kun! We were all looking for him.”

The words still stung Kokichi, but not for too long, as Shuichi replied her in the same light-hearted voice.

“Yeah, Ouma-sama and I’ve been talking. They were having a rough day and we didn’t exactly help.”

Shuichi’s change was practically done in an instant. Anyone could have blinked and they would have missed it, however, Kokichi didn’t come remotely close to even miss it. Apart that the usage of the formal honorific didn't sound as a joke, everything felt… weird, to say the least, but a good weird. Shuichi used genderless terms so freely and casually joined with such politeness it really was impressive. Kokichi hadn’t been so sure of those options at first, but it just felt so nice having a break from hearing masculine terms. A soft sigh escaped from trembling lips. While yes, it felt good, Kaede would notice the change of pronouns and honorifics. Kaede wouldn’t want to use them.

Right?

“Oh, no. We’re all sorry we got like that, Ouma-sama. We can talk to everyone about it.”

Ouma… sama? She wasn’t using the masculine honorific anymore? Kokichi had heard correctly, right? Shuichi couldn't have been joking for a second time and Kaede also took it seriously with high regards, respectfully. It couldn’t have been just a slip of the tongue on her part. She sat down on Kokichi’s previously empty left side, but still unconsciously moved a bit away from her, closer to Shuichi. Stubbornly refusing to meet her eyes, Kokichi didn’t entirely trust Kaede to accept those sudden and big changes so quickly. Shuichi must have felt the still lingering fear radiating from the body beside him as, with a hand on the shoulder farthest from him, pulled Kokichi closer to the comfort and safety he was trying to give the other.

“It’s not just that. Ouma-sama has struggled with something for quite some time. They’ve always known about it, but they didn’t know how to tackle the issue by themself. I’ve told them some of my experiences; how things can be different than what we think they are, and I think their mind is a bit more cleared up than it was before. Isn’t it, Kokichi?”

Shuichi spoke that way like it was usual, common and natural, and Kokichi secretly wished it really could be that way with everyone as the norm, apart from the superior honorific. There were no hiccups in between, no take-backs, he just… kept using the neutral options. Why did it feel like this? Kokichi’s heart was growing and turning at the same time, not from disgust, but from a different arrange of emotions better left unsaid for now.

“It’s not healthy to bottle things up, Ouma-sama. We are here to help each other.”

Kokichi finally met Kaede’s eyes and found no lies in them, not a single trace of malicious intent. Yes, they were stern and ready to lecture about self-care, but they were also kind and compassionate. Were Kaede’s eyes… trustworthy? A voice trembled in the soft wind. Tears announcing their possible comeback for the umpteenth time.

“I- I didn’t know…”

“Ouma-sama didn’t have the whole picture, they thought the world they’re in had to be either black or white.”

“That’s nonsense! Even with blacks and whites there’re still so many shades of gray! I like to think everyone has their unique color and that’s why our world’s infinitely colorful. The world's just a blank canvas for everyone to paint a bit of it with their own color, no matter if you’re a dark emo indigo like Saihara-kun over there or a bright pastel pink like me!”

Kaede sure was chatting without questioning anything. She should be asking why was Shuichi referring to Kokichi with the formally reserved genderless honorific and also choosing to use gender neutral terms instead of the masculine counterparts. Kokichi really didn’t understand either of them. They just couldn’t be teasing or insulting, oh no, it was way worse with their kind treatment. Kokichi was starting to feel suffocated, really believing Kaede wasn’t understanding anything and completely missing the point, but that thought banished after her next sympathetic words.

“What do you want us to call you, Ouma-sama?”

She had the same sweet and caring tone as Shuichi had voiced when he had also asked before. Maybe Kaede was one of the few people Shuichi had mentioned to have come out to. Kokichi was trying hard to not let the tears fall. This was much more affection than the usual received for quite some time, but maybe it really wasn’t selfish to want more of this; to want to feel good for a bit longer. Kokichi did want to be loved and cared for, and was now searching desperately for that captivating feeling that had started wrapping around from head to toe.

“Same as before, just no… don’t overuse masculine words. I- I don’t like all of them.”

“Do you go by only neutral terms or are feminine also good?”

“I like neutral...”

Shuichi gently squeezed his hand on their shoulder, as if he was congratulating them for their strength and tilted his head to smile at Kokichi. He had the warmest smile, shining even brighter than the sun setting behind him.

Kokichi broke down and cried again. This time, their tears still had a touch of sadness, but also held the longing feeling of being wanted and accepted, of the satisfaction they could have had all this time if their issue had been addressed before. Kokichi felt another arm wrapping around their small form, not even realizing they had found support in Shuichi in all the meanings of the word. Their hands clutched the dark fabric covering him, and Kokichi never wanted to let go, feeling everything would fade away once their grip lessened, like waking up from a bittersweet dream.

“Ouma-sama, it’s okay.”

Kaede’s hand started moving along their back, gentle like a feather but comforting nonetheless. Kokichi cried some more, squeezing their eyes shut.

“I- I’m…”

“We’re here for you, Ouma-sama.”

“You’re all right, Kokichi.”

None of them felt the time pass, time frozen in a bubble around the three of them. Shuichi and Kaede didn’t mind, they felt content enough reassuring Kokichi, who needed them now more than anything, acting as their grounding rock.

The shorter one gradually calmed down after having let out everything they were still holding inside. When Kokichi’s eyes opened again, the stars were already illuminating the dark sky alongside the moon.

“Better?”

Kokichi was still clutching Shuichi’s arm, but neither of them made any move of separation. Instead, he brought his other hand to their other side and pressed them against him. For Kaede or anyone else, they could have easily looked like a couple, but it didn’t matter to Kokichi right now. Yes, they liked Shuichi in a more than friendly way, but they weren’t ready to tell him, not yet anyway. Kokichi felt exhausted, but they would never tire from Shuichi being beside them, helping them along the way of any path they took.

“It… It can’t be like this, it just can’t. This has to be some sort of a pathetic joke, I must have been lying to myself, but then… why does it feel like this?”

“How does it feel for you?”

Shuichi’s voice was still as lovingly tender as ever and Kokichi could never lie to that tone and those dark golden eyes.

“Like it’s all too good to be true.”

His smile became brighter under the night sky as he exhaled slowly.

“I guess it’s the same for everyone. Just hang in there. It’s definitely worth it, I promise.”

Kokichi didn’t know how that could be true, their heart still hadn’t settled down from all the emotions they still couldn’t name. They heard movement on their other side as Kaede shuffled to get back up.

“Come on, let’s go back.”

They stood up and made their way down to the ground. Still outside, Kokichi looked up at the sparkling dots scattered across the dim sky. They shone brightly against the lavender eyes, dancing freely as a promise of a new beginning and a better life. Kokichi didn’t notice Shuichi’s smile at them, one enraptured in what the future may hold, the other charmed in remaining in this present for forever.

“The others must be waiting in the dining room.”

Kaede’s voice, while gentle, put Kokichi in a panicked state. They couldn’t do it. They would be rejected instantly. The others already hated Kokichi, just a few came close to even tolerate them. Kokichi stopped dead in their tracks wanting to run away, to hide, to cry, but the soft hand still positioned on their upper back was enough to stop those thoughts.

“Kokichi?”

“Can’t… I- I’ve been crying, I look horrible.”

Kaede playfully scoffed and turned at them, brandishing her trademark smile.

“Now that’s a lie if I heard one, Ouma-sama. You look so much better than I’ve ever seen you before, it’s like you’re glowing!”

“You look happier in your own skin, even lighter.”

“And don’t you dare be scared of the others! If anyone starts acting like a douche towards you again, they’ll have to face our fury! Right Saihara-kun?”

Shuichi chuckled lightly at her comment. He truly believed none of them would go down without a fight.

“Don’t know much about that fury in me, but don’t you think Ouma-sama should explain whatever they want in due time by themself?”

“Of course, but I’ll still kick anyone’s ass if they even try to hurt our strong sama!”

Kokichi gulped and moved again, each step leading them closer to their eventful demise. As the three of them were reaching the dining room, animated voices could be heard coming from inside. Kokichi was going to put on a new mask of deceit again and wrap themself in lies on top of lies. They were going to just smile, laugh at the others and push their buttons... Were they?

Would they lose all the courage they had left to bring up their carefully crafted persona or would they reclaim piece by piece their strength and face the others as they truly were?

Kokichi felt Shuichi’s hand squeeze their shoulder one last time before moving away, but never leaving their side. Shuichi met frightened eyes again, but this time, they were ready to claim what was theirs. Kokichi was ready to not lie and show their true self. They didn’t need to do it for anyone else but themself.

After entering the dining room, all the voices died down to stare at the newcomers. Kokichi, feeling all eyes on them, didn’t feel nearly as sure as they had been just seconds ago. Thankfully, Miu broke the silence in the worst possible way.

“Hey look! Pooichi, where did you find the hot-headed dick?”

“Iruma-chan! Seriously?”

Kirumi smacked the back of her head with a swift slap. Kokichi knew they had been talking about them, but they didn’t even care about it. Wishing for whatever had to happen to better come fast, they were already getting anxious.

“No need to bother, I’m not in the mood for arguing.”

“Huh? The little cum-stain’s not mocking me?”

Kokichi sat down, reclosed at the far end of a sofa. Shuichi followed behind, putting himself between the group and Kokichi just in case something happened again. Kaede sat on their other side, just like they had been on the roof, closing the circle. Kokichi didn’t spare a single glance to any of the others, the air thick and heavy in the room.

They bended their legs closer to their chest, if no one wanted them to be there, maybe they could just make themself disappear. Some nudges and words were quickly exchanged in whispers, but Kokichi acted like they couldn’t care less. That was until Kaito moved forward in his seat. He was the closest one to Kokichi, sitting next to Kaede and practically in front of Kokichi, if they tilted their head forwards they would see him. Kokichi still looked at their closest corner.

“We wanted to apologize, Ouma-kun. All of us.”

Ah, so they had also known that Kokichi wasn’t lying during their breakdown last time they were in this room. They had all seen them unprotected and afraid, and were now pitying them, so there really was nothing else to lose. Still refusing to look at the group’s direction, Korekiyo and Kirumi continued the apology to Kokichi.

“We’re still mad you hurt Yumeno-chan and Chabashira-chan, but what we did was inexcusable.”

“We can’t be aggressive towards each other no matter the circumstances, we should know better and act like the rational adults that we are.”

“Even if some could still be children.”

Another slap was heard, presumably targeting Miu again if the curses that followed were anything to go by. They heard Rantaro also shift in his seat, like Kaito had done at the beginning, before speaking to Kokichi.

“What we are trying to say is that we shouldn’t have made you lose your temper. You pushed our buttons, yes, but that doesn’t allow us to bite you back.”

Kokichi let their eyes roam around and scan the room. They could quickly see the group’s deception in themselves in each pair of eyes. They still felt anger directed towards them in punctual people like Maki and Tenko, but that was to be expected. The multiple pair of eyes didn’t feel as trustworthy as Kaede’s, none of them even coming close to Shuichi’s, but they found some of the same qualities in all of them; sadness, hope, and a tiny bit of remorse. Kokichi found no pity in any of them. They saw none of them exerted superiority towards theirs. The group treated Kokichi like an equal. They had always thought the others dismissed them because they lied and tricked and didn’t consider them as a friend. Kokichi realized they had been completely wrong.

“I… I also want to apologize to you.”

The words sounded foreign for them, escaping too quickly from their own lips before they could stop it. A hand returned briefly to their shoulder before going back to Shuichi’s lap, as if he was encouraging them to continue.

“I shouldn’t have insulted Chabashira-chan or her relationship with Yumeno-chan. It was ill and tasteless, not even excusable as a bad joke. I… I’d want to make it up to you, if you’d let me.”

Everyone apart from Shuichi and Kaede looked at Kokichi like they had grown another head, none of them expecting this from their usually cold-hearted and backstabbing gremlin personality. With the expected flair of villainy on their tongue gone and the fact they looked too down to suddenly announce this was all an just an act, their mismatched group of friends were inclined to believe their words. While yes, they were all astonished to hear Kokichi apologize, they accepted this change easily enough.

Tenko on the other hand, was still fuming on the other side of the room, albeit a lot less angry than before. Himiko placed her hand on top of her shoulder to calm her down. A flash of Shuichi reassuring them with the same action crossed Kokichi’s mind before they knew it.

“Tenko, please, let it go already. It’s okay.”

“Whatever. All stupid degenerate males are the same…”

Kokichi chuckled to themself, the timing of that topic had rolled along perfectly.

“About that… You can cross one off that list.”

While Kokichi admitted that couldn’t even be considered as ‘trying to lighten up the mood’, they didn’t expect to be met, yet again, with deafening silence. And everyone was looking straight at them. Oh no. They didn’t take it well and Kokichi was going to receive the full punch. Dread settled on their stomach next to their sinking heart. Not even Miu or Angie responded with a joke or a dismissal.

“The fuck you talking about?”

“What do you mean?”

They were all expecting an answer from them, but they just couldn’t do it, their body had completely paralyzed on their own. Not now, not like this, not here. Their instincts to run away increasing would soon gain control over their body and activate their fight or flight response. And Kokichi had never been as good fighting as they were when running away from problems.

“I… I c- can’t-”

“I found Ouma-sama hidden near the rear garden. Around sunset, Akamatsu-chan found us still hanging around out there.”

“You have to give it to Ouma-sama, it’s a pretty good hiding spot. I honestly wouldn’t have seen either of them if Saihara-kun hadn’t literally yelled at me.”

Shuichi had placed a hand on their arm, not to keep them there, but to relieve them. If Kokichi wanted, they could escape at any moment, but they trusted Shuichi. They noted how their pronouns weren’t mentioned, but their honorific was clearly spoken. A pleasant smile directed at them told Kokichi he still had their back, he would help them in any decision they took. He took his hand away as he directed the attention towards himself in the most selfless way Kokichi had ever seen.

“We’d been talking for quite some time and I explained that I wasn’t born a with a boy’s body even if I am one. I had already told Akamatsu-chan before, but I felt like it wasn’t necessary to tell you all. I mean, you guys already treat me more than fine, but I guess I still have a fear that it would go downhill once this was out.”

Shuichi had come out to all of his friends to protect them. Shuichi had come out only to save their skin. Shuichi had just come out to the group first to make sure it was him who would be the one receive the blow just in case the environment wasn’t safe, protecting Kokichi if they had wanted to come out later. It wasn’t fair, Shuichi had to come out on his own terms, not because Kokichi was a bloody coward to go first. They could feel him tense up until-

“Hey, Saihara-kun, you know that’s chill with all of us, right?”

Ryoma spoke with his usual calmness, not waiting for any answer, Korekiyo, Maki and Kaito gave their own piece of mind.

“We care about you enough for this to not make any change. You’ve always been Saihara-kun, as you still are.”

“This is supposed to make you feel better. You didn’t need to feel any pressure to come out, Saihara-kun.”

“Yeah! We’re one big family, Saihara-kun! I would never allow anyone to upset my sidekick!”

“You really think we’d hate you, Sherlock Homo? Please. Oh, wait! That means I could make you a fully working mechanical d-!”

“Atua loves all in equally different ways, to carry that love to everyone like Saihara-kun is to bless Atua’s will.”

Shuichi would have to remember to thank Angie for interrupting Miu’s lewd commentary, but the support kept coming from everyone else.

“I am truly happy for you being who you are, Saihara-kun, but why did you have to go to the dark side?”

“Saihara-kun went through metamorphosis, just like pretty butterflies!”

“We’re proud of you, Saihara-kun. Must’ve been a pain though…”

“You have to be comfortable around us, Saihara-kun. No one here’s going to judge.”

“While I don’t understand Saihara-kun’s feelings, I know it’s important to be at peace with yourself.”

“We are all here if you ever need any kind of support, Saihara-kun. Never doubt that.”

Shuichi hadn’t noticed when he’d started crying, but now, with all his friends around him, supporting and accepting, he couldn’t help it. These were not only his friends, but also his loving family.

“Thank you. It… it really means a lot.”

Kokichi’s smile tasted bittersweet. It was much easier for anyone to accept someone like Shuichi. While a weight on their chest had greatly lessened, they still wondered if they would be as considerate and compassionate with them. Of course, the moment had to be disrupted by one named as Kaito. Kokichi swore he was dumber than a rock sometimes.

“Wait, I still don’t understand why Ouma-kun thought that would take you off the ‘degenerate male’ list. Shouldn’t this just confirm your place there?”

“I didn’t say that because of him.”

“Then, who?”

It was now or never. They took a ragged breath and closed their eyes. They didn’t want to see the disappointment, the disgust or the twisted smiles in any of their faces. A hand on their right gave them the determination to move forward. He trusted Kokichi.

“It’s me. I was talking about me.”

A single tear rolled down their cheek. The hand pressed encouragingly against their clothes.

“I’m not male and I’m not female. I’m neither.”

They could do it.

“I’m non-binary.”

They said it. They finally said it. For the first time, they could be who they truly were. No masks, no lies, no tricks. Their name was Kokichi Ouma, and they were non-binary.

They waited, expecting the worst to happen, for them to wake up from a deep sleep, for the sky to fall, for the world to end, for-

“Oh, so that’s why you got angry. We’re glad you could tell us and we’ll try to make sure not to misgender you again, Ouma-sama, wasn’t it?”

“We will all adjust to your needs as fast as possible. We’re also proud of you, Ouma-sama.”

Kokichi opened their teary eyes to find Korekiyo and Kirumi agreeing with each other. Angie butted in with her ‘Atua wisdom’ before Miu, Rantaro, Tenko and Himiko could lift their spirits up.

“Now free from that weight, Ouma-sama can ascend near Atua, as neither need a gender.”

“Ouma-sama, the same offer I made for Shithara stands, and if you need me to lend you some killer boots, I’m your woman.”

“And hey Ouma-sama, if you ever want to try and do your nails or make up, I’m your man.”

“Oi! That’s cheating, Ouma-sama! Those two also don’t say that for everyone, you know?”

“Nyeh… Now Ouma-sama can be truly be registered as ‘a danger to society’ without telling any lie.”

Shuichi saw a true smile disappear under Kokichi’s hands in a poor attempt to steady their emotions, not caring if he also wore one as he hugged them.

“Gonta is proud! Ouma-sama is happy with self! No worry about us friends, we will care you!”

“You showed a lot of courage, Ouma-sama. You should wear it more, it suits you.”

Kokichi just hid themself behind their hands and let themself be brought closer to Shuichi’s chest. Their happiness and fondness overflowing as Maki, Kiibo and Kaito also cheered them.

“Never thought I’d say this, but I’m sorry, Ouma-sama. You deserved better treatment from us.”

“Even if we got angry, what we did to Ouma-sama was wrong. All identities are important and should always be respected.”

“Of course! Although you’re gonna have to tell us what you’re comfortable with! We’re still buddies, right Ouma-sama?”

Ouma-sama.

_Ouma-sama._

It filled their heart to hear them say Ouma- _sama_.

They didn’t hate the sound of their name. Their name acting as a sweet melody to their ears. They finally felt worthy enough in their own skin. They were-

“Kokichi?”

Kokichi was having trouble remaining composed, relying on his grip on Shuichi without shaking too much. Never would have they anticipated that receiving anyone’s praise and recognition could create this reaction in them. Never had they thought having the support of others felt this good and liberating, freeing as if they took flight for the first time, as right as placing a missing piece back in its rightful place. They saw it crystal clear now. They had been roaming in the dark before, lost without a sense of direction.

But now Kokichi had been found.

“Thank you…”

The quiet sob against Shuichi’s chest was barely heard, but maybe it was enough for him to hear. Strong and comforting arms tightened around their crying form, unaware of that the world still turned outside their grip. A head was placed on top of theirs and told them sweet nothings.

He was safety. The welcoming group were family. And for the first time felt whole.

They treasured who they were.

◥◤◢◣◥◤◢◆◣◥◤◢◣◥◤

It was really late, both of them should be asleep, but Shuichi and Kokichi were out, high up on that same flat roof, looking at the expanse before them illuminated by the beautiful night sky. They both had needed a break, the breeze of the chill fresh air caressing their skin. They felt physically and emotionally drained, Kokichi understandably more than Shuichi, but neither of them made any movement. The other’s company soothed them good enough.

Both of them were sitting on the cold floor, backs lying against a hard wall, Shuichi’s head was on top of Kokichi’s, who was resting comfortably against his shoulder, their hands lazily entwined together. For the first time in many nights, Kokichi was hopeful for tomorrow to come.

“You did amazing today.”

“Oh, my Saihara-chan, didn’t you feel my tears when I bawled like a baby for the whole meeting? There’s nothing ‘amazing’ about that, considering you also cried.”

Shuichi smile lit up at Kokichi’s light-hearted tease. They were happy enough here, enjoying the delicate rising and falling of their chests.

“You trusted us and even if it was difficult, you opened up, Ouma-sama. We’re all grateful for the progress you’ve made.”

Even without looking at them, Shuichi knew Kokichi trying not to blush. They both knew how the other worked and relished in their bond.

“Hey, Shumai?”

“Yes, Kokichi?”

“Did your insides also feel funny when you first told someone? Like, a mix of feeling sick but also of wanting to feel loved but fearing it will all have ended by the next morning?”

“Like nothing was actually real but since you’ve had a taste of what you wanted now it’s all going to go wrong?”

They both laughed faintly and suddenly the was no one else in the world apart from them. No one else mattered in those small hours.

“I’d say that’s scarily accurate.”

“I think every one of us goes through this. I have to say you’ll still feel like that for a while, but, with each passing day, you’ll get happier when you realize the others don’t think any less of you for this.”

Kokichi took their head and hand away, feeling their heart flutter way too rapidly for their own liking. The cool air brought back recent memories they would appreciate for the rest of their life. They felt happy by their side, finally understood and cared. It felt alien for Kokichi having so many people backing them up and starting a trusting relationship with them. Kokichi did blush now.

“Thank you, Shuichi. Don’t know if I could’ve done it without you.”

“I meant it when I told you I was never going to leave your side.”

Shuichi didn’t close his mouth on time and there they were again, those damned words, but Kokichi now understood the full intended meaning behind them. Kokichi flushed pretty intense rapidly, as some of the previous feelings returned. After realizing he had been caught red handed as they revealed the hidden message, Shuichi’s blood came rushing to his face in embarrassment. While this was another intimate moment, it was different than the last time, however. This was not about accepting and learning to love oneself. This was about accepting and loving the man currently tripping over on his own sentences.

“S- Sorry! I know n- now it’s not the most a- appropriate moment, o- or that you might not even w- want the p- pressure or the situation, b- but…”

Kokichi’s giggles broke the tension of the initial shock. Shuichi was trying to keep himself together, but he found it difficult while Kokichi was staring at him with their shining eyes and their ever-glowing smile, a rosy color decorating their cheeks. He accepted the fact that the one in front of him would never steady his giddy heart, but would instead kindle a fire within him. When Shuichi picked up their right hand with both of his, their expression turned into a small shaky confusion, suddenly aware of the closeness between them. Everything else becoming pointless when one of his thumbs drew patterned circles on their smooth pale skin.

“You… You are not alone in this. You don’t have to distance yourself from any of us. I- I just want you to know that I’ll always believe you’re an amazing person, because you really are. And you are funny and brilliant and courageous and perfect just the way you are.”

Their expression transformed into a sweet and tender smile, from the corner of their lips to the shining of their eyes. Shuichi was gorgeous under the early hours of the morning sky. The moonlight created a halo around the silhouette of his hair, perfectly messy from the gentle breeze enveloping them. Kokichi couldn’t take their eyes away, his usually dark golden irises now as brilliant as refined gold. Just as the moon, both of them gaining a powerful vitality during nighttime, clearing their way through the darkness that surrounded them.

Kokichi felt their own heart beating as strong as ever and finally found the last feeling they hadn’t been able to identify yet. It was the same feeling they had felt when he had opened up to them. It was the same feeling they had felt when they had broken down at sunset with him by their side. It was the same feeling they had felt when their friends had comforted them both after coming out.

It was the same feeling they felt as they brought their hand up to softly cup Shuichi’s face.

He relaxed against their touch. The feeling was almost velvety as they started to calmly trace his graceful features under their slender fingers, leaving an invisible trail of subtle warmth from where their fingertips had been. Shuichi quietly covered their hand with his larger one, leaning into them and moving slightly closer, as he voiced the feeling.

“You are loved, Kokichi.”

And with a priceless smile, the same feeling was returned.

“I love you too, Shuichi.”

They met in the middle, their lips fitting perfectly as they moved slowly in synchrony. Deftly as to not disturb the mellow pace, safe arms cloaked protectively around them, their elegant and gentle hands guiding him. The kiss was soft and sweet, slowly drawn-out and patient, delicate as the light from this late night. They were left breathless, expressing everything they wanted to tell the other discreetly, as not even the most vigorous words would ever compare. It melded their resilient hearts back together, but this time, their hearts beat gracefully as one.

Their lips separated from the other’s, but neither of them moved away. The shorter one bringing their hand down to the taller one’s collarbone. As they both looked into the each other’s eyes, they saw the beauty of the night reflected on them, they discovered secrets hidden cautiously behind them, and they found themselves within them.

Shuichi pulled them closer, their body warming his’. He didn’t want to hold anyone else, as he could fit his entire world between his arms. Kokichi’s voice was soothing as they rested their head against his heartbeat.

“You were right.”

“About what?”

Kokichi closed their eyes at the sound of his voice, letting themself be cared for, never wanting Shuichi to let go. They were at peace, their mind still grasping every delightful new truth. They were whole, they were wanted, and they were loved.

“It’s definitely worth it.”

◢◣◥◤◢◣◥◆◤◢◣◥◤◢◣

The End

◥◤◢◣◥◤◢◆◣◥◤◢◣◥◤

**Author's Note:**

> Hello again!
> 
> Thank you so much for making it to the end! I’m still amazed that this idea started as a short one shot but turned into a +10000 words fic!
> 
> I want to reach out to all of you to personally say that yes, no matter how long it takes, it is absolutely worth it. The most beautiful thing for me is finding comfort within yourself. I’m not in the place I would want to be, but I’m confident enough to say that one day, my hard work will pay off.
> 
> (Also if you guessed that I’ve written Kokichi as agender that was me self-projecting with not that much subtlety)
> 
> Again, thank you all for sticking with me for this journey and I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did when writing it!
> 
> P.S. Every time someone sends Kudos and writes Comments it warms my little enby heart!
> 
> Thank you and take care!
> 
> \- TheTealTea


End file.
